Cootie Gras/Transcript

(Opening shot: the city skyline in the afternoon.)

 

Narrator: The city of Townsville!

(Camera pulls back and starts to pan across the park. We see various couples - one of which was featured on the Real Kolor Film ad in "Mime for a Change" - in the throes of romance.)

 

Narrator: And love is in the air! Can't you just feel it?

(Two young lovers ride by on a tandem bicycle; in the background, a man pushes a woman on a swing. Zoom in on a tree, in whose branches two birds are getting ready to join in the general spirit of things. One of the birds wears a fedora - the male.)

 

Male bird: (French accent) Oh, my darling, have I ever told you about the birds and the bees? (He chuckles.)

Narrator: Hey, there. (Both look up, surprised.) Behave, you two. (The male chuckles again, understanding what the Narrator meant.)

(Cut to the exterior of Pokey Oaks Kindergarten, from across the street, and zoom in.)

 

Narrator: Even the youth of Townsville feel spring in the air.

(Dissolve to a slow pan across the playground. It's recess time, and kids are playing happily in small and large groups. One girl sits in a circle with several other kids.)

 

Girl 1: Your turn, Sammy.

(In the foreground, near the building, a boy and girl are talking.)

 

Girl 2: Will you go with me?

Boy 1: Okay.

(Behind them, another girl approaches the classroom door. A boy opens it for her.)

 

Boy 2: After you, my dear.

Girl 3: No, no, after you.

Boy 2: Oh, no, I insist. After you. (She starts in, then turns to him.)

Girl 3: Why thank you.

Narrator: Brotherly love, I calls it. (She goes in, the camera following.) That is, of course, unless you have...

(A quick flash of the face of a very ugly boy is seen at right. His lips are puckered for a kiss. Cut to an extreme close-up of his mouth, which is drooling and showing some very bad teeth as a result of very poor hygiene.)

 

Narrator: ...COOTIES!

(Pull back; the boy in question is Harry Pitt, smacking his lips and stretching his arms out wide to grab whatever comes his way, every smack sending saliva everywhere from his mouth, with him oblivious to the reaction this is triggering due to how disgusting and vile it looks. Cut to the exterior of the school as the door bursts open and she runs out screaming.)

 

Girl 3: (running o.c.) Cooties!

(Harry runs out after her. Back to the playground.)

 

Girl 2, Boy 1: Cooties?! (They run o.c.)

(Now he runs all over the yard; the other kids scatter as soon as he gets anywhere near them. A boy and girl play on a seesaw, but stop - with him on the low end. He is Hanout, who had a bit of a part in "Ice Sore.")

 

Hanout: Cooties!

(He splits, leaving her up high; after a moment, she drops to the ground. A boy plays jacks but stops at the sound of lips smacking. He and two other kids look in that direction.)

 

Boy 3: Cooties! (All three run away o.c.)

(A boy on the swing set stops in mid-arc.)

 

Boy 4: Cooties! (He jumps down.)

(Now we see the entire class in a stampede before the camera cuts to the girls. Blossom is having her hair brushed by Bubbles, while Buttercup looks elsewhere with a rather sour expression.)

 

Bubbles: Oh, Blossom, I wish I had hair like yours.

(The styling is interrupted by the kids charging past. Mitch Mitchellson stops next to them; he is out of breath and very scared.)

 

Mitch: What are you waitin' for?! Don't you know?! Harry Pitt's got cooties! Oh, man, it's horrible! (running o.c.) Save yourselves!!

(Bubbles screams in fright and takes off, heeding Mitch's warning to avoid Harry immediately, stopping far enough above the ground to be well out of range of the alleged cootie-carrier. Her sisters address her from the ground.)

 

Blossom: Bubbles, what are you doing? You don't even know what cooties are.

Bubbles: Oh, yeah?! Well...I'm not taking any chances! (pointing down) Look out!

(Harry is nearly on top of the other two girls, who scream and take to the air. He is left alone on the playground, seen from an overhead view; we can see part of a round black frame around the view at the left side of the screen. Pull back slightly to show this as the image through a telescope and cut to Mojo Jojo in his lair, peering through the eyepiece. He smiles, then rubs his hands and laughs wickedly. Back to the exterior of the school, with Harry sitting sadly on the sidewalk following what happened earlier on the playground during school. Mojo steps into view, his cape blowing imperiously behind him, and sits down next to the boy. After a silent moment, he smiles and extends his hand.)

 

Mojo: Hi.

(Fade to black.)

(Snap to the exterior of the girls' house at night. Inside, Bubbles sits on the bed, wearing her nightgown and looking very uneasy.)

 

Bubbles: But...I'm scared of all the bad cooties. I'm sensitive, you know.

(Pull back. Blossom is tucked in and sitting up, while Buttercup floats nearby. All three are dressed for bed.)

 

Buttercup: I don't blame you. Who knows what would happen if we got cooties? We might turn blue, shrivel up, or maybe even lose our powers.

Blossom: Buttercup, you're scaring her! Now let's just try and get some sleep, and forget about the cooties.

(She closes her eyes, and the camera pulls back across the room. Her sisters are now tucked in on either side of her. Fade to white.)

(The camera turns down after a moment to show the three girls against the white field - each is rendered in black and her particular color, and all three look quite ill at ease. Zoom in on Bubbles; her arm begins to swell with several tiny growths. When fully formed, these prove to be tiny copies of Harry. Cut to Blossom.)

Blossom: (pointing, reduced speed) Bubbles! You've got something on your- -arm! Aah!

(On the end of this line, miniature Harrys start to sprout all over her body. She screams as they take full form. A similarly afflicted Buttercup shakes several of them from her leg and stomps them to a pulp; pull back to show a much larger Harry glaring down at her with disapproval. She zips away; cut to all three in flight. A wave of Harrys washes over them and tosses them about like rowboats in a typhoon. This shrinks to the center of the screen and vanishes, and after a moment, the girls appear again, unconscious. They open their eyes as Harry's shadow looms over them. He smacks his lips, some spit dripping down, and stamps his foot to send them tumbling. Around them, the scene dissolves to a snow globe in his hands. Pull back slowly as he brings it to his lips and puckers up.)

(Cut back to the bedroom; it is now morning. The girls sit bolt upright in bed and cry out in shock and terror. Pull back to show the hotline as it begins to buzz.)

[Animation goof: In this shot, the girls are in their everyday dresses in the bed, not their nightgowns.]

(In his office, the Mayor is on the other end of the line.)

Mayor: Powerpuff Girls! Townsville Bank is being robbed!

(Cut to Mojo in the bank, addressing himself to an o.c. individual as an alarm blares in the background.)

Mojo: Just put the money in the bag...

(Pull back. A scared woman - one of the bank's tellers - stands across from him. She wears a name tag, which he leans in to see: "Hello My Name Is Doris.")

Mojo: ...Doris.

(Behind him, an explosion and shower of dust hide the entire wall from view. When the debris clears, the girls stand at a new hole in said wall, ready to dish out some punishment.)

Blossom: All right, Mojo. What did we tell you about robbing banks?!

(Mojo does not seem too worried at their appearance on the scene. He keeps his back to them.)

Mojo: Oh, no, it's the Powerpuff Girls. Please don't hurt me or anything with all your superpowers. As you know, I am without defenses. That is, of course, unless you consider...

(He turns around and holds up Harry, the camera turning up to the boy.)

Mojo: (from o.c.) ...THIS!!

(Harry has the same effect on the girls here that he did on the playground as he begins smacking his lips and spitting saliva everywhere. They back up, their anger giving way to fright.)

 

Blossom: Oh, no!

Buttercup: Harry Pitt!

Bubbles: Cooties!

(Cut to the exterior of the bank as the girls crash out and take off, screaming. Mojo runs out into the street and looks up after them. He is still carrying Harry.)

 

Mojo: Hot dog! It worked! With the Powerpuffs out of the way, there will be no one to stop me! (holding Harry up, the camera zooming in) And I will rule the entire universe! (He laughs evilly.)

(Cut to the exterior of the house at night and zoom in very slightly. The windows are dark. Inside, the girls are under the covers of their bed. Their silhouettes are visible in light shining around them.)

 

Buttercup: What are we gonna do?

(Cut to underneath the covers, with a flashlight illuminating the scene. Bubbles is holding Octi.)

 

Blossom: We're defenseless against the cooties.

Bubbles: I say we...hide!

(Blossom throws her a funny look while the hotline asserts its presence. Cut to the Mayor on the other end.)

 

Mayor: Powerpuff Girls! Townsville Jewelry Store is being robbed!

(Quick shot of the exterior of the house, the girls flying out through the windows, then cut to the jewelry store. The front window is smashed out, and Mojo has his back to it to address the people inside. The alarm blares as the girls land on the sidewalk just outside.)

 

Mojo: Put the jewels in the bag!

Blossom: Um...please stop robbing the nice man, Mojo.

Mojo: (sarcastically) Oh, no, the Powerpuff Girls. I guess my plan is foiled and I'm off to jail. Woe is me. What to do? Oh, by the way... (stepping aside, revealing Harry behind him) ...have you said hello to my little friend?

(The boy smacks his lips, producing the desired effect.)

 

Girls: (taking off) COOTIES!

(Close-up of a bag of jewels on the counter - labeled, appropriately enough, "BIG BAG O' JEWELS." Mojo reaches into view for it.)

 

Mojo: (from o.c.) Pleasure doing business with you. (Pull back; he steps out, carrying Harry.)

(Cut to Mojo running in place toward the camera. He has Harry under one arm and is against a black background. Images of neon signs float past: "Money," "Gems," "Gold," "Loot," "Ca$h," "Stuff." During this montage, Mojo's picture gives way to a shot of a terrified old woman cowering in an alley. His shadow falls over her, and she screams and runs, dropping her purse. Next, we see Mojo running in place again, then a close-up of Harry as he is held aloft, smacking his lips. Finally, the screen is filled with Mojo's evil laughing face and a shower of greenbacks. Fade to black.)

(Snap to an alley with a big rig parked in it. The trucker is being held at gunpoint by two gangster types, one short and one tall. Close-up of them; the short one looks around to make sure no one is watching.)

[Note: The design on the trucker's shirt - a fellow with long arms and legs and a tiny head, walking with one leg slung straight ahead of himself and the other cocked to one side - is borrowed from "Keep On Truckin'," a creation of the underground cartoonist R. Crumb.]

 

Short gangster: All right, keep your mouth shut, open the truck, and give us all of the loot!

Tall gangster: Jerk!

(Three o.c. crashes cause the two men to look up in alarm.)

 

Short gangster: Holy cow! It's the Powerpuff Girls!

(The girls are standing on top of the truck. Bubbles’s pigtails are standing erect.)

 

Blossom: That's right!

Buttercup: And you mobsters are all washed up.

Bubbles: You're going straight to... (Mojo steps into view, and they lose their nerve. Bubbles’s pigtails flop down.)

Girls: M-M-M-Mojo?!

Mojo: That's right!

(He throws his cape back over his shoulder, revealing Harry tucked under his belt, and laughs evilly. The boy winks, and the girls gasp sharply - Bubbles' pigtails standing up in fright - and take off without another word. The two gangsters turn to Mojo with awe and respect.)

 

Short gangster: Unbelievable! You scared away the Powerpuff Girls! I can't even believe this over here! Hey...forget the other bosses. Our allegiance is with you.

(Mojo extends his hand, and the short gangster takes hold of it and kneels to kiss it - all that is missing is a ring on said hand, similar to pledging allegiance to a Mafia crime family Don. His colleague closes a door on the scene. Fade to black.)

(Snap to a shop that has been broken into; a car in the street nearby has suffered the same fate. An alarm and police sirens scream out. Pan right to show the side wall of the place - now we can see its full name, Money Etc. - and a huge hole in same. Mojo and the tall gangster have sacks of loot over their shoulders, and he looks back in and gives a thumbs-up. The short gangster comes out after them with another sack, and all three run o.c. In a back room, they look over their spoils, which are piled on a table. Cut to the buzzing hotline at home, the girls looking dejectedly up at it. They hang their heads instead of picking up the call, knowing responding to it means another encounter with Mojo and Harry.)

(Now another store, Ca$h, is hit. The tall gangster runs out with a bag, and Mojo directs him into the back of a waiting truck. The money is fed into an automatic counter in the back room. On TV, Stanley Whitfield does a news report, with the Townsville skyline as a background. Mojo and the two gangsters run past behind him; next to him are the words "Where Are the Power Puff Girls?" The girls watch this broadcast at home; the hotline begins to buzz again, and they regard it with trepidation.)

(Cut to a clerk behind a sales counter and turn down to show it is filled with jewels. Harry's reflection comes into view - he is being held aloft by Mojo - and extends its arms. The clerk's expression changes to one of fright, and he begins to pull the tray out. Now Mojo stands across from a fat gangster, with the short one standing between them and making the introductions. After a moment, this last steps aside and Mojo holds Harry up. The fat gangster smiles, and the two shake hands.)

(Cut to Mojo standing on a sidewalk, with Harry next to him and his first two associates looking on with great respect and glee. Behind the group is an imposing building, toward which Mojo holds out his arm to direct attention it. Turn up from them to show it as a large mansion-like structure with two large M's and a sign with the name "Mojo's Managemint" erected over the door.)

(Inside, a painter stands next to a piece of work covered by a drop cloth. He whisks this away to expose a picture of Mojo on a throne, with Harry on his knee. Pull back; the monkey and the criminals are looking on. Mojo smokes a cigar and applauds the effort.)

(Cut to him as he approaches a podium in a meeting hall. Behind him hang banners with a single word - "MOFIA" - in huge white letters on each, Mojo's take and name for his own version of the Mafia thanks to Harry keeping the Girls from trying to stop him. When he has climbed to the level of the microphone, he says nothing but instead holds Harry up for all to see. Flashbulbs pop from every side, and the assembled criminals cheer. Fade to black.)

[Note: The preceding six scenes have no spoken lines. Think of them as a silent movie.]

(Snap to a close-up of the door to the Mayor's office. He sings happily o.c. as his shadow falls over the knob. As he speaks, the doors creak open. The lighting inside is a little dimmer than normal.)

 

Mayor: (from o.c.) What's this? My door's unlocked! (Zoom in on the desk.) What's going on here?

(The chair faces away from the desk. After a moment, it rotates to face the camera. Mojo is seated in it, wearing a pinstripe suit in place of his usual attire, though he still has his brain cap. He is stroking the head of Harry, seated on his knee. It appears that Mojo has become the new Don of the local Mafia thanks to using Harry to keep the Girls at bay out of their fear of cooties from him. The Mayor is shocked at this unexpected visit, to say the least.)

 

Mayor: Mojo Jojo?!?

(Mojo begins to do his best Don Corleone impression.)

 

Mojo: Correct. Funny that we should meet like this, Mayor. I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse. I take over as Mayor of Townsville and rule the world, and you will be my little houseboy and obey my every whim.

Mayor: Hmmm...you drive a hard bargain, Mr. Mojo. (brightening) But I'll take it!

(Cut to Whitfield, doing another news report on TV. Total panic has taken hold behind him.)

 

Whitfield: With no sign of the Powerpuff Girls in sight, the city of Townsville is falling apart. Will this be the last of the Powerpuff Girls?

(The girls are in the living room, watching the news and looking quite downcast. The hotline begins to buzz; on the other end, the receiver is held up to the Mayor's mouth. He is tied up.)

 

Mayor: Powerpuff Girls? Oh, I'm fine, never better, thanks for asking... (A gun is put to his head.) Oh! But, uh, the reason I called is...

(Pull back to show the tall gangster holding the receiver, along with a knife, and the short one as the gunman. He holds a sheet of paper in front of the Mayor's face.)

 

Mayor: (reading) "I...can't...get...this...pookle..." (He is poked with the gun.) Ow! "Pickle...jar...opened...and..."

(Back in the living room, Blossom has taken the call. This seems to be something she can handle.) 

Blossom: We're on it, Mayor! (She drops the receiver, and the girls take off.)

(In the office, they crash in through the ceiling.)

Blossom: All right, Mayor. Let's have a look at that pickle - 

(Pull back quickly to show Mojo facing them from behind the desk.)

Girls: Mojo Jojo?!

(Back to them; the outline of a trap door is visible underneath them.)

 

Blossom: Let's...

Buttercup: ...get...

Bubbles: ...out of...

(At the desk, Mojo presses a button in front of him and the hatch opens, dumping them out of sight.)

 

Girls: (echoing) ...HEEEEERRRRREEEEE!!

(They tumble down a vertical shaft and find themselves looking up at Mojo. He holds Harry over the opening and laughs; now he is back in his usual outfit.

 

Mojo: (normal voice) Now the fun begins! (He drops the boy into the shaft and waves.) Ta-ta. I'm off to take over the universe. (He leaves the girls to their fate with an evil laugh and walks away.)

(Harry reaches out and smacks his lips even as he falls. The girls back away from the center of the floor, and he lands in the middle of them.  When he stands up, they have retreated to one corner. Bubbles and Buttercup dash away, leaving Blossom to face him alone. He runs toward her, but she darts out of his reach as well. Now he chases them around and around the enclosure; they stay ahead of him until they split up and hit three different walls. Blossom turns to face him, the camera zooming in on these two. She and Harry size each other up, terror is written all over her face, as she tries to fake him out by dodging left and right. He holds his ground, though, and she finally moans and faints.)

 

Bubbles, Buttercup: (from o.c.) Blossom!

(Blossom opens one eye and cries out, weakly raising an arm to protect her face, but Harry's lips extend into view and kiss her on the cheek. Pull back as she lies in front of him, shaking and fully expecting the Apocalypse to begin then and there. After a long moment in which no cataclysm occurs, she opens her eyes.)

 

Blossom: Hey! Nothing happened!

(Her sisters regard her with some surprise. Harry stands near her with a pleased smile on his face; now Blossom is on her feet and inspecting herself.)

 

Blossom: Look, I'm-I'm okay. The cooties aren't real. It was just in our imagination.

(The other two trade a glance and smile at each other.)

(Beaming, all three girls go and move in on Harry.)

Girls: [lovingly] Come here, cutie!

(Cut to behind them as they lean over Harry and start kissing him repeatedly for several seconds. When they stand up, Blossom moves aside slightly and we can see red lipstick on his cheek.)

 

Blossom: Come on, girls. We've got a date with a monkey.

(They take off, heading up the shaft, and we see that Harry's face is covered with several red lipstick marks. He looks quite happy with what has just happened, but Mojo is another story - we hear him getting his usual severe pounding from the girls. Close-up of Harry during the fight; after it ends; dissolve to a close-up of a badly injured monkey. A prison cell door slams shut in front of him, and he looks up o.c. Pull back to show his cellmate - a big bruiser of a fellow - looking down at him with a small smile. Mojo appears rather nervous at this attention.)

 

Narrator: Love is in the air. (inhaling deeply) Mmmm! Can't you just smell it?

(The standard end shot comes up.)

 

Narrator: So once again the day is saved, thanks to the Powerpuff Girls!